So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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