The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
