New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
