it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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