We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
a search helicopter?!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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