watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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