once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
