Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
