Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
