It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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