meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
