Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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