my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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