Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
