when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
