She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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