My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
