Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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