I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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