mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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