so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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