The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She announced her abortion via fbk
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
