life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I could make wine with my vomit
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
