i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
