Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
