Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
