Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
