and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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