whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
