The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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