I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
