porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
