I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
4 words: hood of his car
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
