so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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