She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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