i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
