no, he came in my armpit
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
