There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
