i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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