well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
