He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
