let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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