You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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