ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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