Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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