she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize