Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
