So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
