4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
