I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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