I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
