I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
