You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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