He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
