i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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